


how could a heart like yours love a heart like mine

by thevaccines



Series: strangers to lovers [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 20k of word vomit, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Blowjobs, Like, M/M, Pining, and so is ben winston, ashton irwin and bradley simpson are mention, but details details ...., commitment issues, handjobs, idek what this is, no sex I'm sorry, sabrina the teenage witch references :), this is one of those au's where famous people are random people mentioned at times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-27 20:27:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2705639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thevaccines/pseuds/thevaccines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry thinks he'll never find love. What he does find is a lonely black cat walking around alone, early in the morning. But when the cat's owner comes to find them, Harry thinks maybe love has found him instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	how could a heart like yours love a heart like mine

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: i saw a picture of a boy holding a grocery bag and was standing infront of a black cat and was staring down at it all sad and i was just like; a fic needs to be written so there, yey.
> 
> well hello then, this fic is kind of like a child to me and I'm very nervous about letting it fly out of the nest if thats makes any sense
> 
> really, seriously, did not expect this to be 20k. as i tagged it, its is basically 20k of word vomit and angst and weird things idek anymore I'm tired as hell, and this fic has been in the works since practically the beginning of 2014, so yay me for finally finishing it even though the ending is a little rushed ! and even this flops completely I'm just so sick of having it in my drafts and not doing anything sO here blah
> 
> thank you for reading if you do, i love you.

Harry was standing in the milk isle for almost twenty minutes now, trying to decide between skim and 2%. Its not like anyone's complaining though. As far as he knows, he is the only person that actually wakes up early to do grocery shopping.

 He puts his things on the checkout counter, watching as the girl behind it slowly lifts her head from her hands and stands from her stool before starting to check out his things. He'd chosen skim milk, because 2% was too creamy.

 "Have a good day." She said, handing him his bag, which consisted of strawberries, oranges, a bag of flour, and skim milk. Harry tried his best to give her a smile before leaving to walk down the street back to his complex.

 Harry hasn't really socialized with anyone in more then two months. He's gone to his uni classes, he’s gone to a few parties, but hasn’t had a proper conversation with someone in forever. He hasn't gotten laid in forever, which has really been stinging his ego.

He stops in his tracks when he hears a small hiss in front of him, looking down to see a black cat with wide yellow eyes and small witch hat strapped to it. Harry bends down, the cat walks slowly towards him, and he smiles when he reaches out his hand and the cat instantly brushes her head against him. He goes to look at the small collar but the tag is all worn out.

"Who's your owner little guy?" It just purrs in response, and Harry tightens his grocery bag in his hand before lifting the cat with his arm, and it quickly clings to him as he continues to walk, it’s little claws digging into the front of his shirt.

Harry reaches his complex, putting down the little cat, which he decided to call Salem, based off the black cat in Sabrina The Teenage Witch, for the time being. (Also, the cat is wearing a witch hat, which is just a bit ironic.) He reaches for the key in his pocket, sticking it into the door, but just as he's about to enter, he hears someone say,

"Thank god you found him!" He whips around, seeing a boy hopping towards him, with a colorful jumper and caramel hair, and Harry has to do a double take to make sure his imagination isn’t playing with him. Salem runs off, and into the beautiful boy's arms, and Salem bites him on the nose, but the boy just laughs. His laugh is beautiful and Harry’s heart skips a beat. The way his eyes crinkle on the edges has Harry practically feeling like mush.

 "I've been looking for him everywhere. I opened the door to get my subscription from this magazine and he just darted out. I don't think he likes the little Halloween themed hat I bought for him." He says as he toys with the little hat before taking it off and crumpling it in his hand.

 "Oh, so he’s your cat?" Harry says stupidly. Of course it’s his damn cat, he thinks, why else would he be looking for him?

 "Yeah, thanks for finding him." He says with a bright smile.

 "Oh uh, no problem?"

 “See you around.” Then he’s walking off down the road across to another complex, and Harry’s staring at his backside and the boy is making little cooing noises to Salem, and Harry decides maybe he should get out more, maybe he’ll stumble across this boy again. But right now, he really needs to get into his flat and put the milk in his fridge and relieve some of his sexual frustration the boy caused him in the shower. 

000 

Its not another week till Harry sees the boy again. Harry’s friend, Sean, had invited Harry to his flat for a boy’s night, since they hadn’t had one in a while and Sean really wanted to gloat about a girl he met.

When he enters the apartment, he sees a few boys he’s met before. A boy named Zayn who smokes and always smells like a mixture of his cigarettes and paint. Then Liam, who works as a bar tender at a little pub along with Niall, and they’re really nice and Niall has a contagious laugh. Then there’s Sean who he’s known for almost two years, and Nick and Aidan Grimshaw, who aren’t related and just have the coincidence of having the same last name. Nick works at the schools radio every afternoon from 3-8, or 6-12, and Aidan - well Harry doesn’t really know what Aidan does, just that he’s really musical and will probably end up with a record deal. 

Then he spots the boy with the caramel hair sitting on a beanbag with a bowl of chips in his lap and a game controller in his hand, and when he looks up at him, he smiles faintly and says, 

“You’re my cat savior, aren’t you?” with this little mischievous glint in his eyes. 

Harry sits across from him on the floor, resting his chin on the coffee table and opening his mouth as the boy, who he’s learned his name is Louis, tries to throw a chip in his mouth. 

Harry just has to say, 

“Chip me.” And Louis will drop his controller, even if he’s in the middle of the game, and he’ll aim a chip at Harry’s mouth, and he wont stop until he gets one in, clapping excitedly and claiming he’s a good shot. (Harry thinks he is in more then one way.) It’s probably stupid, from the way the other boys groan since Louis keeps pausing the game, but Harry feels hot all over, and couldn’t care less about what the others are thinking. 

By the end of the night, Harry is sitting in between Nick and Louis, his head on Nick’s lap and his legs draped across Louis. 

“So how’s Salem?” 

“Who?”

 “Your cat.”

 “His name’s not Salem, its Nigel. And he’s fine, although I make sure he’s locked up before opening the door now.” He says, but then after a few seconds he asks, “Why did you call him Salem?”

“You know, Sabrina the Teenage Witch.” 

“You like cats and Sabrina?” He says, almost in disbelief, but there is a smile on his face and Harry can’t tell if he’s laughing at him or amazed. Harry’s cheeks turn red and Nick starts laughing, and when Louis notices that Harry’s embarrassed he quickly says, “I do too.” and “We should watch reruns together sometime.” Harry counts this night as a huge success. 

000

 Harry hasn’t been able to sleep much. He keeps thinking that maybe Louis thinks he has a cat, which he would have one if his complex allowed him to buy. He keeps wondering what he did before he met Louis, and he cant even really remember, cause now all that he seems to care about is Louis and if he wears boxers or briefs, and also something that’s been tearing at Harry’s mind ever since they first met.

 Harry feels a bit guilty for not knowing, mostly because whenever he takes a shower he thinks about Louis and has to try to not let his mind wander to a few dirty thoughts. He especially feels guilty in the morning, when he wakes up after a crazy dream about the sex escapades him and Louis would have, and he really does try his best to ignore his boner as he walks to the kitchen to make himself an egg and toast.

He feels guilty because he doesn’t know if Louis is gay or not. Harry feels like he has a crush on him, a schoolgirl crush, and if Louis was into girls, not guys, Harry feels like maybe he couldn’t live with that. One night he wakes up from a bad dream because he dreamt Louis was homophobic and was calling him names and beating him up and- this was just getting out of hand now. Was it weird to be this obsessive over someone you barely knew? 

000 

‘Sean we need to have another boy’s night, I’m bored as fuck-text me back when you get this.’

_‘I’m trying to sleep. How the fuck are you up this late’_

‘Seanyyyy’ 

_‘Don’t call me ‘Seany’. And if you’re willing to have seven boys over at your place that complains about your shit food and drinks, so be it. And stop texting me its late’_

‘You have shit food and drinks, I don’t. They won’t complain’

‘Hmmm seven boys? Sounds fun’

‘Don’t you think it’ll be fun?’

‘S’

‘E’

_‘HARRY SHUT THE FUCK UP’_

‘Is Louis single’

‘Is heee??’

‘I’ll wait all night for you to answer me’ 

_‘I don’t know he’s Aidan’s friend I don’t know him that well’_

 ‘Well you’re Aidan’s friend, will you ask him for me?’

_‘As long as you stop texting me’_

Harry quickly put his phone on his bedside table and shoved his face into his pillow to try and stop the smile on his face and hopefully gets a few hours of sleep before his morning lecture.

000

Harry wakes up the next morning with a boner (he’s gotten use to it now) and a text from an unknown number.

 ‘Sean gave me your number and told me to text you’

‘Its Aidan’

‘Louis is half single’

 Half single? What did that even mean? He tries not to think about it too much as he makes himself a peanut butter and jam sandwich, eating it as he pulls a hoodie over his head and tries his best to get his jeans on without falling against the wall.

 He realized his shirt had a toothpaste stain but he was already out the door, running out of his complex in hopes of not being late for his 8:30 class. What was he even thinking when he signed up for this 8:30 am lecture on World Religion? He figured it would be just something to do on lonely Tuesday mornings, and he was half-right, although he also half-wished he’d gotten rid of the bulge in his pants before he left his flat.

 He’s trying his best to hide it, putting his hands in his lap and keeping his legs together, but the girl with purple hair beside him is snickering at him and he really wants to stab her with a pencil since she’s causing too much attention to him. Really unneeded attention.

 His phone started buzzing in his pocket and it went straight to his crotch. He exhaled a loud sigh, enough for the purple haired girl to throw her head back in laughter and cause the teacher to stop talking, looking towards her and Harry.

 “Would you like to share with the rest of us what is so funny?” The professor asked, the purple haired girl clamping a hand over her mouth, wide-eyed as she shakes her head furiously, “Quiet down then.” And then he’s turned back to the chalkboard, writing down something about anthropology.

 Harry practically ran out of the class when it was done, but he heard the clicking of heels behind him, and for some reason, the purple haired girl was following him.

 “I’m Perrie.” She says when Harry turns to look at her. They’re walking down a sidewalk, and he’s going back to his complex, back to his flat to take a shower and get rid of the bulge.

 “Harry.” He gave her the simplest smile he could manage, and she just laughed again. She had to practically jog to keep up with him; since he was taking extra long strides in hopes of getting back to his flat as quickly as possible, and to hopefully get rid of her. Her bubbly appearance and personality was starting to make him a bit fidgety. She had dark circles of eyeliner smudged around her eyes, and blue mascara, and a nose piercing in her left nostril. Her appearance made him fidgety too. “Did you need something?” He asked.

 “Did you?” She replies, smirking and quirking an eyebrow, but she was still laughing. Was that some kind of sexual innuendo? Harry thought, still looking at her as though she was something from a museum, something odd, “I was just wondering if you wanted to be partners for the writing assignment.”

 “What writing assignment?” He asked.

 “The one he was basically telling us about the whole lecture? Do you not have ears hidden behind that wild windswept hair?” Was that some kind of compliment?

 “Er..no, couldn’t really focus much. Too early.”

 “Well did you want to be my partner? We have to write about some anthropologist and his theories and if our theories would match with his- or something like that.” She said, almost with a pout, and she looked up, as if she was trying to remember their professor’s exact words.

 “Uh, sure I guess.” He shrugged and she grabbed his arm, pulling him back and making him almost trip over his two left feet. He was getting into a good walking rhythm, and she definitely just threw it off.

 “Give me your number then you knob.” She already had her phone out, and was handing it to him. He handed her his phone, and they entered their number’s in each other’s phones. He was about to hand her back her phone, but then he noticed she was taking photos of herself on his phone, and he had to fight back the urge to eye roll, “I live on the other side of campus, so I’ll text you later and maybe we can get together someday this week?”

 “Sure.” They finally exchanged back their phones, and she smiled once more at him before turning around swiveling her hips as she walked. He started up his long strides again and made it back to his complex in no less then two minutes, practically running towards the washroom now and ripping off his jeans.

 000

 He decides to text back Aidan as he’s eating a can of beans, sitting on the couch and watching one of his recorded re-run of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. He really loves it. He thinks maybe he may love Louis more, though. Pretty obsessive, right?

 ‘Hey Aidan, its Harry’

‘Thank you for telling me he’s half single’

‘What is half single anyway?’

‘Is he in a relationship or not? I mean it’s a pretty simple question. Yes or no, not maybe.’

‘Sorry L I don’t mean to be rude or anything’

 He’d been sitting now for almost 40 minutes, his butt was numb, and he was just staring at the little ‘sent’ in hopes for it to read ‘read’ or ‘delivered’, at least. He throws his phone to the side and leans his head back on the couch, listening briefly to the TV knowing he wouldn’t be able to focus on the show with the thought of Louis.

 Harry didn’t even know why he was so strung up on him. He was just a boy with a cat who watches re runs of old TV shows that he watches too. He was just a boy with caramel hair and golden skin and these blue eyes that are just so captivating and beautiful and _he is just so beautiful_. Harry almost wants to slap himself, see if it’ll get him out of his trance. He barely knows him but he feels like he’s been in love with him his whole life. Maybe it’s just an infatuation. Harry decides it’s probably not.

 He found himself staring in front of the mirror a few hours later, around 5 something. His hair was windswept, and it just looked horrible. He had dark circles under his eyes, and he had smile lines already etched into his skin. His skin was a whole other problem. He had blemishes on his forehead, a few on his cheeks, and was he always this pale? He had bony knees and a long torso. If anyone asked him to describe himself he would say he looked like a white, chewed up, pencil crayon with love handles.

 His phone beeped and his head whipped so hard towards it he got dizzy for a few seconds.

_‘Half single, like, he is single but he has some people’_

'Still don’t get it’

‘People is plural, he has more then one half?’

 Harry thought for a moment that he sounded pretty desperate, sending two texts in less then 5 seconds of the other, but he pushed the thought back when his phone buzzed in his hands.

_‘Yeah people as in plural, don’t you know your grammar?’_

 'Obviously but I’m just confused? I mean, if he was single you’d say so but he has a ‘people’ and he’s half single?’

_‘How are you confused? He has people who keep him busy and then he doesn’t’_

 ‘Then he doesn’t?’

_‘People leave him all the time then come back, but he doesn’t want a relationship, technically’_

_‘Why do you want to know anyway?’_

 ‘Just wanted to know’

‘Why would people leave him?’

_‘I don’t know, he doesn’t really open up about much, although he’s pretty out there at the same time’_

_‘I have to go work’_

_‘If you want to ask him yourself I can give you his number, gtg now’_

‘No its ok’ 

It wasn’t ok. He was still confused about the whole half-single thing. Plus, he was getting a text from the Perrie girl and he wasn’t in the mood at all to read whatever she had to say. So instead, he turned off his phone and threw it on his work desk, and he’d tell her next time he saw her that he dropped it in a toilet- or something.

 000

 Harry sat the very next day in the small bagel shop a few roads away. He walked, and his nose and cheeks were pink and stinging a bit from the cold. The coffee was bitter, and the bagels were stale, but it woke him up just enough to start writing his essay for his history class on world issues. He’d been staring at the blank screen in front of him, the cursor flashing and practically mocking him, for almost ten minutes now.

 The vacant chair in front of him skidded across the floor, and he looked up to see Nick taking a seat, a bagel in his hand and a coffee in the other.

 “How are you?” He asks, setting his things on the small round table before unwrapping his scarf from his neck.

 “Stressed.”

 “Well then close your laptop and listen.” Harry did as he was told before he wrapped up his own coffee mug in his hands, they were still a bit numb from walking in the cold, “You remember that guy Louis?”

 “Yeah.” He said a bit too quickly, and he leaned foreword closer to Nick, which caused him to smile at Harry’s reaction. He leaned back against his chair again, trying to wipe the embarrassment from his face, “I mean-yeah.”

 “He wants us all to come to his place.”

 “Us all? Like, me included?”

“Obviously you included, he hasn’t shut up about you since you guys last met.”

Harry didn’t mean to make the tiny little noise that escaped from his mouth, it was a mix of a whine and almost a sigh of relief, but it just made Nick start cackling at him.

 “Are you whipped or something? Geez you’ve met like, once? Twice?”

“No I just, he’s cool...Why does he want us over?” Harry says, veering the conversation away from him personally.

“He always throws a Halloween party, and he invited us all, and told me to make sure you come.” He emphasized the ‘you’. 

“When is it?” 

“The 31st obviously. Have you forgotten what day Halloween lands on?” Nick always had some kind of way to embarrass Harry, even if it was just them two, even if it was something stupid, he made Harry’s face burn. He made Harry feel like he was standing on the edge of a cliff every time he spoke, and Harry didn’t like the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach that grew whenever he opened his mouth. It didn’t help that Nick had a radio show, his favorite thing to do was talk about his friends and his late night hookups, but mostly he loved talking about the fear in his friend’s eyes when he said anything at all. 

“You’ll be there, yes? We can even go as a matching costume, if you’d like. We could be like, sexy cops or something, you know? I think Louis might be into all that bondage stuff...” Nick looks away, squinting as if trying to think, “Maybe it’s just me.” He shrugs, “Gotta love hand cuffs.” He stands up, taking a bite of his bagel in the process. Harry watches as he ties the scarf around his neck before picking up his things. 

The door dinged, and Harry almost fell out of his chair from how fast he was getting up. Walking into the bagel shop was the purple haired girl, Perrie, and some girl with red hair, they seemed to both have nose piercings, but in opposite nostrils. Before she even had a chance to look over, Harry had grabbed his things and hurriedly followed Nick out of the bagel shop, who was walking extremely slowly. 

“And who was that? I thought you didn’t like boobs.” 

“I don’t-she asked to be my partner yesterday for some stupid visual presentation.” 

Nick just hummed in response, nodding slowly.

“I’ll text you later, maybe we can go shopping tomorrow for those cop outfits and we’ll buy hand cuffs and maybe even whips- then some industrial rope.” He said excitedly as he started walking backwards towards his car, which was an old beat up grey jeep with leather interior that was always sticky- Harry never asked sticky with what exactly. 

“It’s definitely you who likes the bondage.” Harry calls to him and Nick erupts into a laugh, opening his car door and giving him thumbs up before getting in.  

000

Harry stood behind a little kid at the Halloween shop, both of them looking at superhero costumes. Louis’ party was in a few days, and so was Halloween, so the store was packed full of little boys and girls running around with glitter in their hair.

 “Ooh spandex Styles? You into that balls tight shit?” Nick said as he suddenly appeared beside him, the little boy looking up at him with his eyebrows up and his eyes wide, and Harry was doing the same.

 “I’m into being Spiderman, not a cop wearing small trousers.” Harry said as he poked at the bag in Nick’s hands.

 “Oh come on, small trousers are so in.”

 “You might as well just wear your boxers.”

  
“Very unclassy, thought you knew me better. I am not a slag, Harry.”

 Harry rolled his eyes at him before grabbing the adult spandex Spiderman costume.

 “I’m not wearing small trousers.”

 “You’ll wear a mask, then? You sure it can hold your hair?” Harry rolled his eyes as he walked towards the register with the costume in hand, Nick laughing quietly to himself.

 Once everything was paid for, Nick offered to drive Harry back to his complex, but Harry shook his head, saying he needed the exercise, and Nick slapped him on the back of his head and said, “Get in my car.”

 Nick stopped outside his complex, waiting as Harry grabbed his costume from the back seat.

 “Aidan was telling me you’ve been texting.”

 “Oh?”

 “Yeah, says you’ve been playing twenty questions with him on Louis. 

“I...I haven’t been...Its kind of like...”

“You got a little crush, Haz?” Nick says playfully, and Harry looks at him with a pained expression. They’re both quiet for a few moments; the silence growing more awkward the longer time passes.  
  
“Goodbye.” Harry reaches for the door handle, but Nick quickly grabs his arm before he’s able to get out. 

“How long has it been since you’ve been laid, Harry? Do you know what a condom is? You remember to use proper lubrication? Would you like me to teach you about the birds and the bees?”

“Fuck off.” He pulls his arm away from his grip, but Nick just grabs him again. 

“I’m not trying to be mean, H, I’m looking out for you.”

“By joking about my sex life?”

“No, by trying to tell you that you could find people much better then Louis. Much better.” He emphasized the ‘much’.

 “By that you mean?”

 “I’m not one for gossiping but, Harry, he’s like the neighborhood plaything.” Nick whispers, and his tone is a bit unsettling. When Harry doesn’t respond, Nick sighs and looks at his watch, “I got to go do my broadcast, just, ring me later and I’ll bring over chinese food or something, ok?”

 Harry doesn’t nod, he doesn’t say ok, or thank you when he closes the door. He just walks up into his complex and sits in front of the TV, constantly checking the clock to see if Nick’s broadcast would be over or not yet.

 000

 Nick comes over at 7:30 with chinese food, its cold and the noodles are dry, and Nick doesn’t mention what he told Harry in the car. He leaves quicker then he came, saying he had to meet someone.

 As Harry is lying in bed that night, he’s staring at the last text Aidan sent him,

 ‘If you want to ask him yourself I can give you his number’

 He feels stupid for saying no to get Louis’ number, but he wouldn’t even know what to say if he did.

 ‘Hey, it’s your cat savior’

 That wouldn’t really work, would it? 

Harry tries on his costume before going to bed, and decides that he’s even lamer on the outside then he thought he was.

 000

 Harry arrives at the party with Nick and Aidan, Nick wearing his super short shorts and Aidan came as the guy from Breaking Bad- he even put on a fake mustache and a bald cap. Harry feels a little out of place, since everyone is pretty much dressed in strips of clothing- some girls just wore tape over their nipples and little booty shorts- meanwhile he was in a full-on Spiderman get-up. He didn’t put on the mask, though, thinking maybe that was too childish.

 He’s sitting with Niall, who’s drunk and complaining about the music selection at the party, when he sees Louis stumble into the room. He’s wearing a crown, and he’s shirtless, with pink tights and fairy wings on his back. Harry’s torn between wanting to cuddle him or kiss him senseless. He kinda wants both- and fuck- he’s had three beers and he’s feeling a bit greedy.

 He makes his way over, and Louis notices him over the top of his glass, which he quickly lowers and puts down, as Harry gets closer. 

“Spiderman! Honestly- you win best costume.” He says, before giggling. He gets on his tippy toes, putting a hand on Harry’s shoulder and pressing his lips to his ear, “Want your prize?” He asks.  
  
“What do I get- some kind of dollar store trophy?”  
  
“Even better,” He whispers, hand on Harry’s shoulder moving down to grab onto the front of his outfit, “A blowjob.” 

Harry’s eyes widen, and it’s not like he’s a virgin to that sort of thing, but he can tell Louis is drunk out of his mind, and he isn’t thinking straight. Maybe it wouldn’t be a good idea to do anything with him, no matter how close he is to him in that moment, and Harry can smell some kind of chocolate drink in his breath and he wants to taste it on his tongue so, so bad. 

“You know, I would love that- it’s just, you’re really drunk and stuff, I don’t wanna like…you know…”

 “So?” Louis says, sounding a little hurt and annoyed.

 Harry feels at a loss of words, and when he doesn’t reply, Louis pouts.

 “Whatever.” He says, his hand moving to grab his drink instead of holding onto the front of Harry’s costume, which was now a bit crumpled, “I’ve got other people.”

 Again with that ‘people’ thing, and now Harry frowns. He watches as Louis turns from him, going towards the kitchen to get more drinks, and grabbing a guy by the collar on the way. Well, at least he knows now they definitely play for the same team.

 Harry ends up cuddling with Salem- Nigel- all night, drinking a vodka and cranberry juice, non-stop looking at the clock to see when it was time to leave.

 Nick apologized the morning after, because he had disappeared around 12:00 with a guy named Jeff- or something- and left Harry stranded at the party (along with Aidan, who was so drunk he didn’t really care). Harry ended up walking back to his complex.

 000

 Jeff turns out to be some guy named Ben, and as Nick lies on Harry’s couch with a hot towel on his forehead, he talks excitedly about him, and Harry’s pretty much blanked out.

 “Earth to Harry!” Nick yells after a while of not getting a response from him. Harry practically jumps out of his skin. Nick made fun of him one time for getting scared from loud noises. He remembers Nick saying he looks like a frightened little fawn.

“Yeah?” 

“I asked you how it went with Louis? I saw you talking to him.” 

“He offered me a blowjob.” 

“And….?” Nick eggs on.

“He was drunk- he would’ve never offered that sort of thing to someone like me while _sober_. I declined.” 

“You’re such a gentleman.” 

“You say it like it’s a bad thing.” Harry murmurs, sitting on a leather reclining chair across from Nick, picking at loose threads on the blanket over himself. 

“Harry-” Nick props himself up with one elbow, taking the towel off and looking at him, pity in his eyes, “It’s not a bad thing, but for Louis? Don’t bother being sweet and gentle and caring and _you_.” He lists, “He’s a whore, Harry, that’s the cold truth. And you’re…you’re not-a-whore.” He says, conjunction-ing the words together. Harry glares at him, and Nick sighs, “I’m only trying to look out for you. You’re digging your own hole.” 

Harry can’t stop his permanent frown, and when Nick leaves, he goes and cries in the shower. Maybe it’s just an emotional drain- never seeing your family, barely seeing your friends, no sex- or maybe it’s physical –running to classes every day, staying up late to work on projects but waking up early to not miss all the lectures, but wanting to miss them to avoid the purple haired girl. But he refuses to believe its just Louis tearing him apart. They haven’t even gone on a proper date, and who knows, maybe they won’t click instantly.

When Harry gets out of the shower, he quickly text’s Aidan, 

‘On second thought, can I have his number?’ 

‘Sure, sending it to you now’

 Harry stared at Louis’ number, wondering how or when he’ll text him.

 He does around 1:00 am, saying that he hadn’t had a chance to thank him for inviting him to the party. Louis says he doesn’t remember seeing him. Harry doesn’t reply.

 000

 Harry meets Perrie in the library a few days later, and she laughs when he sees him.

 “You look like you’ve been to hell and back- more then once.” She snorts- literally snorts- and Harry doesn’t even crack a smile, “Did you get botox recently? Can you not smile?” She asks, Harry plopping down on his chair.

 “I am just very, very stressed.” He says all matter-of-factly.

'’Bout what? This project?” She asks, leaning foreword. Harry leans his cheek on his hand and lets out a loud groan-sigh-inhumane noise thing- to which he hears a chorus of ‘shh’ from around the library.

“About a boy.” Harry says, and Perrie’s eyebrows rise to her hairline. 

“I’m listening.” She says, sounding more interested then she ever had been before. The corners of her lips are turned up, and there is a wild spark in her eyes.

 “I met this boy- and he’s all I’ve been thinking about. I saved his cat and now I have his number and he offered me a blowjob and I declined cause I’m a fucking idiot-“

 “Woah-slow down.” She says, “How long have you known him?”

 “Not long. I just got his number the other day- and fuck- he was dressed as a goddamn fairy in pink tights at his Halloween party- why did I decline a blowjob from a beautiful boy dressed as a fairy? I’m pretty sure that was ten-year-old me’s wet dream.” He says, and he says it all so quickly, taking a sharp breath afterwards. The realization of what he said hits him, and he looks over at Perrie, who’s laughing so hard she’s not even making any noise.

 “Jesus- want to fill me in a bit?” She asks, breathless. So Harry fills her in, starting with Salem/Nigel and ending with Louis texting him and saying he didn’t remember him at the party.

 “I say it’s a load of bullshit. ‘Course he remembers you, probably was just embarrassed because he remembers that you said no to him.” She says, which makes Harry sigh a little loudly. Some people in the library are starting to get annoyed, Harry can tell by the dirty looks some people are giving them.  

“I just feel like maybe it’s pointless, y’know? I’m overthinking all of this. Plus, Nick and Louis’ friend Aidan both basically said that Louis is the kind of person who sleeps around and _definitely_ not looking for a relationship.” Harry looks down at their books, which he sees a few things highlighted that Perrie had probably done before he got to the library, but was completely forgotten about.

“Well…Maybe you can be the one to get him to want to be in a relationship.” She says, and it’s more of a suggestion then actual advice, but Harry takes it.

 “Did you want to try to get some of this done?” He asks, and she looks at her phone and groans.

 “Can’t. I have a shift at the shoe store Omar’s soon, so I should get back to my dorm and get ready.” She stands up, starting to put her things in her bag, “And with Louis-don’t judge him based on whatever anyone is telling you- make your own decisions.” It’s the last thing she says before a quiet goodbye and it’s some of the best advice Harry thinks he’s ever gotten.

 ‘You need to help me’ Harry text’s Nick as he’s walking back to his dorm.

_‘If it’s anything remotely sexual then yes’_

‘No. It has to do with Louis’ 

_‘Ughhhhhhhhhh'  
_

‘I want to ask him out on a date’ 

_‘Why. Digging your own hole remember?’_

‘Because despite all that I still would like to get to know him. I just don’t know what to say or how to ask him out. In person? Over text?’ 

_‘Just text him and ask him out for drinks’_

‘It’s not that easy’

_‘It really is’_

 So Harry’s faced with the same problem he has been in since he’s laid eyes on Louis-which was how to text him.

 He’s pacing back and forth across the furry carpet in his small kitchen, wearing a pair of boxers that have got spaceships on them, and his hair tied back in a small ponytail. His phone is on the counter, and he’s looking at it, his bottom lip between his teeth, arms crossed over his chest, as he waits for a reply from Louis.

He sent just a simple, ‘Hey’, hoping he’d reply within the next few minutes, but that was over three hours ago, and Harry is really regretting it. He decides to get his mind off it for a little while and bake something. He finds a few old bananas and decides to make banana muffins. While he’s mixing the dough, having gotten some flour on himself and on the counter from his shaking hands, he hears his phone beep a few times, indicating that he’s gotten a text.

He rubs his hands on the small apron he’d put around his waist, and then grabs his phone. When he clicks to unlock it, Louis’ name lights up and his stomach twists, a faint smile crossing his lips. Harry doesn’t want to think about the fact that he’s probably already six feet underground.

 ‘Hiii :)’

 And ok, maybe he’s six feet above ground, cause he certainly feels like he’s going to float away from happiness.

‘Are you busy tonight?’ Harry closes his eyes and presses the send button, peaking one open when he hears a little ding, indicating he’s got a new message. 

‘Nothing I can’t do tomorrow night’

Okay, okay, this is good, right? Obviously he just means that he’s got homework or an essay to do that he can do tomorrow night instead. It doesn’t mean that he’s going try to pencil Harry in before a few other guys. 

‘Would you like to go for a coffee with me?’ Harry sends it, than scrunches his face in embarrassment cause of how formal that sounded. _Ugh_. Did it even sound formal? He reads it over and the words jumble in his eyes, and he’s way too nervous 

‘Sure. Meet at the Framboise Café in 10?’

 Harry thinks about it for a moment. Then remembers that’s the Café on campus (with the good French pastries) not even 2 minutes walk from his complex, probably even faster for Louis. And oh- Louis- Harry quickly sends a reply, 

‘Got it’

It happens in a blur. Harry first abandons his muffins, apologizing to the messy kitchen as he runs to put on a pair of jeans and a black sweater, pulling a beanie over his greasy curls, and one quick look in the mirror later, he’s grabbing his keys and apologizing to the kitchen once more as he puts on his shoes. 

He makes his way to the Café, rubbing his hands together nervously, also cause it was little chilly, but his hands still felt sweaty. He could feel the cold sweat on his forehead as well. 

Louis is already there by the time Harry gets there, sitting on a leather couch by the large bookshelf, feet up and curled into his side, his head turned sideways as he reads the titles of the book. The door chimes when Harry opens it, and Louis’ head whips foreword, his expression nonchalant. 

Then he smiles, one side of his mouth curved up more then the other, and he raises a hand and waves. Harry points to the cash register, silently asking him if he wants anything, and Louis shakes his head. 

Harry gets two coffees anyways, and two raspberry scones.

 He sits across from Louis, pulling up a chair from another table. They’re the only two people in the Café other then the barista, who disappeared into a back room after Harry had finished ordering. 

“So, how’re you?” Harry starts, hands wrapped around the coffee cup, fingers intertwined, heart beating erratically.

“I’m ok,” Louis says, looking down at the two paper bags beside what is supposed to be his coffee, on the small table in front of them. Louis picks up one of the bags, putting it in his lap, “What about you?” He looks back down, taking half the scone out of the bag and crumbling off a small piece to put in his mouth. 

“Ok too.” Harry says, “Sorry if I interrupted you from work or something, I just haven’t had much free time, and I’ve been wanting to see you.” Harry notices the way Louis’ eyes flick up slightly from where he’s looking down, and Harry feels so _awkward_. It wasn’t like this last time they were together- Harry wonders why Louis seems so off.

“You have?” Louis whispers, “Why?” He looks up, a small line between his furrowed eyebrows.  
  
“Because- I want to be friends with you?” Harry tries, then he shakes his head, “I- does it really matter why?”  
  
“Harry I’m sorry.” Louis says, looking back at the books, his hand squeezing the bottom of the bag slightly. 

“For what?”  
  
“For leading you on- at Halloween and other times…”

“You remember?” Louis nods, and Harry’s mouth feels dry, “Louis you know I _am_ gay, right?” Harry says, and Louis takes a small, sharp breath, before he looks at him again.

“Yes, but it’s just- I don’t want a boyfriend. I don’t want a relationship. I’m 19 and I don’t want to be tied down.” He said bluntly, and Harry’s mouth opened slightly, staying open in shock, “I led you on, but you think I want a relationship and I’ve been wanting to tell you that I don’t.”  
  
“Who-?”  
  
“Aidan.” Louis says quickly before Harry can even finish his question of asking who told him.

 Harry drops his head, biting on his bottom lip, and trying not to squeeze the coffee cup, the last thing he wants right now is for it to break and for hot coffee to spill all over himself. Actually- the last thing he wants is for Louis to be saying any of these things.

 Harry hears the couch creak. Louis’ feet are planted on the ground now, leaning foreword towards Harry.

 “I don’t want a relationship. But I don’t mind being friends with you, Harry.” Louis says gently, placing a hand on Harry’s knee. Harry clenches his teeth together, and he wants to ask why not. Why the just can’t try, at least. Get to know each other more then _try_.

 But instead he nods, and then looks back up to Louis after he’s regained some composure and his eyes aren’t watering, as much.

 “I was making banana muffins before you texted me…did you want to come over to eat some of them once they’re done?”

 Louis smiles, a little sadly, but then nods vigorously.

 “That sounds amazing- didn’t know you could bake?”

 Louis stands up, grabbing his coffee and both scones. They walk back to Harry’s complex, discussing cooking experiences and whatnot.

 “You’ve never baked something from scratch before?” Harry says, looking at Louis incredulously, who’s sitting on a bar stool, watching as Harry puts on his apron and begins to start from where he left off.

 “Nope. My mom used to just buy the cookie pack’s where you squeeze out the dough into little circles on the pan then voila, done in 10.”

 “Well, did you want to help me?”

 “I wouldn’t know what to do.”

 “That’s why I’m here,” Louis smiles at that, “And this book.” Harry holds up the cooking book with the open recipe, and Louis laughs, eyes crinkled and bright and happy. Harry feels happy too, but also feels like that happiness will disappear the second Louis has gone home.

 “Fine then, give me an apron.”

 Harry tries not to think about how adorable Louis is as he bops into the kitchen, and ties a floral apron around his chest with one of the biggest and goofiest smiles that Harry’s ever seen. He wishes he could kiss him. Just once would be enough.

 Five minutes later, Harry is in the middle of watching the butter on the stove to make sure it doesn’t melt too much, when Louis comes up silently behind him, puts his lips next to his ear and whispers, 

“How do you whisk?” 

Harry almost jumps out of his own socks, turning to look at Louis and laughing a little, then he realizes he’s being serious. 

“You just-” Harry makes a stirring motion with his hands, “Fast.” 

Louis hums, eyebrows arching up before he turns back around to begin whisking. Harry lets himself take a moment to stare at Louis’ backside, and then he hears a sizzling noise and looks back at the butter. 

“Oh, shit.” He says, and laughs slightly as he takes the pot off the stove. He does it so fast he forgets to wear an oven mitt, and in seconds his hand is burning and he instantly drops the pot. By this time, Louis had already turned around, and the butter splashes onto both of them, getting on Harry’s apron and the front of Louis’ pants. 

Harry stares down at the pot in disbelief and embarrassment cause- why did that have to happen? He doesn’t want to look up, but then Louis starts laughing, and Harry lets out a small choked sound before joining him. Louis is almost in tears from laughter, and Harry doesn’t understand why until he says, 

“Oh my God- your _face_. You were all like, ‘Oh shit’,” Louis mimics Harry’s voice, making it go sarcastically deep, “And then-”

 _And then_ , Harry reaches for Louis, hands clasping his cheeks and he surges foreword, kissing Louis fiercely, in what he hopes is a passionate first kiss. He goes gentler a few seconds later, kissing him softly and thinking that his lips are as smooth as butter, and his skin is too. He could kiss Louis forever, but he isn’t kissing back. 

Harry moves away, it’s less then an inch back, enough for their mouths to still be close enough to be exchanging breathes.

Harry waits. He waits a minute, then two, then three, and Louis still hasn’t said anything. He froze the second Harry kissed him, and has been frozen since, staring at him blankly. 

“Please say something?” Harry closes his eyes and leans his forehead against Louis’, “Anything.” 

“Why did you do that?”  
  
“Do what?”  
  
“Kiss me.”

“I _wanted_ to kiss you.” 

“Well you shouldn’t have.” 

“Well too bad.” 

“I’m leaving.”

 Louis is gone from Harry in a few seconds, leaving Harry frozen now, watching as Louis discards the apron and throws it on the floor as he makes his way towards the door, and just before he turns the knob he looks at Harry, clearly angry. 

“I thought this could work.”  
  
“Louis-” 

“No, fuck off. I’m not getting attached.” He emphasizes the ‘not’, which only makes Harry angrier and sadder at the same time.

“Why not?!” Harry doesn’t mean to yell, but the door is half open and he doesn’t want Louis to leave. He wants him to kiss him back. “Why not?” He repeats quieter this time, desperation clear in his voice. He can feel his eyes watering again.

“This wasn’t a good idea. We’re either friends or we’re nothing, and you obviously don’t want to be friends-” 

“I do but Louis-” Harry tries to rush out a quick ‘I want to be more’ but Louis huffs loudly. 

“Shut _up_. No.” He says and Harry stares at him in astonishment, “Don’t call me or text me or come see me for a while, ok? When you’re done thinking that you like me, or whatever it is you think, _then_ you can come see me and we can resume being friends. Until then, goodbye.” 

When the door closes behind Louis, Harry crumbles to the ground, tears already falling down his cheeks. He throws everything into the sink a few minutes later, not wanting to try and clean the butter out of the carpet or his apron, knowing he’ll be mad later about the stains but right now he could care less. 

He falls into his bed, the unwelcoming cold sheets making it all even worse as the loudest sob he’s possibly ever made comes from his mouth, which makes him cry even more and feel even more hopeless then he already did. 

His phone rings an hour or so later, when he’s thrown all his clothes off himself and onto the floor, leaving him a half naked, crying mess. 

He picks it up without even checking the name, but he recognizes the voice instantly. 

“Sean called, who was called by Aidan, who was called by Louis. Want me to come over?” Nick asks. 

“No. I’m fine.” Harry says, voice thick with sadness and he sniffs. 

“Well, I’m already standing outside your door with a bunch of junk food and an Audrey Hepburn film, so answer your door. You sound like a blob of misery.” 

Harry hangs up, and reluctantly stands up, throwing an old shirt on as he makes his way to the door. He lets Nick in and they both go to the couch, not speaking as Harry puts in the movie, which he’s happy, is _My Fair Lady_ instead of _Breakfast at Tiffany’s_.

He grabs a Kleenex box from the kitchen and then sits on the couch, his whole body sagging into it and he looks over at Nick, who’s already looking at him as the opening credits roll on the screen. 

“Want to tell me what happened?”  
  
“No, cause you’re just gonna say ‘I told you so’ and I really don’t want to hear it.”  
  
“How about I don’t say anything?” Nick says and lowers the volume, turning his whole attention towards Harry. Harry sighs eventually and looks at him.

“I met him at the French café, and he told me Aidan told him I wanted to like, be with him, or something, and he said he doesn’t want a relationship. But he said we could still be friends, so I invited him over to make banana muffins with me but one thing led to another and I kissed him but he didn’t kiss me back.” Harry says, eyes welling up with tears again, “I just feel so ashamed…Sad, fuck- I don’t even know how to explain it. I’m depressed.”

“You aren’t depressed. You’re broken hearted.”  
  
“Is it not the same thing?”  
  
“No. Depression comes from a lot of things but a broken heart comes from one thing: being rejected. You were rejected by Louis, who, honestly, don’t know why you’d keep trying after this although I know you still will. And Louis told you he didn’t want a relationship, so why did you try?”  
  
“Cause if I didn’t try I never would have known!” Harry yells quietly, voice getting caught in his throat. 

“You did know though, Harry! He told you straight he didn’t want commitment- but you still kissed him! Try to think how he’s feeling, Harry. He must feel like a proper ass for rejecting you but also must feel embarrassed.” 

“Why should he be embarrassed?”  
  
“Cause he told Aidan he started crying in the elevator on the way down to get out of your complex because he was scared he was already attached- and Harry don’t you see? It scares him.”

Harry sniffed and bit his lip, trying to get it to stop quivering so much. 

“But why?”

 “Fuck, I don’t know, it just does. So give up on him.” Nick deadpans.

 Nick doesn’t let Harry respond, instead just turns back to the movie and puts the volume up, grabbing a pack of little doughnuts and opening them.

 000

 Harry sits down a bit roughly, the chair squeaking underneath him and he sighs, throwing his bag down beside him.

“Rough night?”

 “Week.” Harry responds, and then looks at Perrie, who frowns and actually looks like she feels sorry for him.

 “Is it about that guy you like?”

 Harry nods and looks back to the professor, who’s getting a power point ready, and Perrie puts hand over his, “My shift doesn’t start till 5:00, we can go to the library after the lecture, work on our project and talk about it if you want?”

 Harry looks at her, and realizes that she’s being 100% genuine. Besides, she might be able to give some actual good advice. Unlike Nick, who for the past week has just been telling him he’s wasting his time moping around thinking about how he should’ve handled everything better with Louis.

 “I’d like that.” He says, and she gives him a smile and squeezes his hand.

 Once the lecture ends, they walk out together and to the school library, finding a table wedged between a few others, mostly full of kids who are whispering to each other, but it’s still loud. They sit down across from each other, and when Harry looks up at Perrie, his eyes instantly go to look at a boy who’s sitting a few tables away, who looks exactly like Louis from behind.

 Harry doesn’t know why he had never noticed Louis before, and then when the boy turns around, and he realizes it isn’t Louis, not even the same body type or hair as him, Harry thinks maybe he’s insane. Maybe he’s beginning to notice Louis everywhere, even the slightest things can remind him of him. 

“Harry?” Perrie was waving a hand in front of his face, and Harry looked back at her, a bit dazed. 

“Sorry, what?”

“I was saying, did you really want to work on the project or just talk to me about your little lover boy.” She says, and gives a small, tight-lipped smile.

 Harry doesn’t bother taking out his books, and just scoots his chair closer.

 He fills her in, giving her details too since they have a lot of time.

 “…his cheeks were pink when I walked in the Café, and he looked so adorable I wanted to jump him and kiss him right there…” 

“…I tried not to focus on it too much, but the way he was sitting, his shirt was hiking up his side a bit, and I could see lace panties coming out the top of his jeans, I was this close to getting a boner…”

 “…his lips- fuck- they were like butter. And its so ironic cause there is butter all over my kitchen right now and the only thing I care about is how his lips felt so smooth and soft-like butter-but his face a little stubbly…”

 Perrie’s jaw dropped when Harry told her how Louis had reacted, and what he said, and Harry couldn’t help but feel embarrassed and sad all over again after having to relive it.

 “Well, shit, Harry. I don’t…I don’t know what to say.” She says sadly, and leans back into her chair, crossing her arms, “The only thing I can really advise you to do is just- wait, like he asked you to. You don’t have to get over him, but you can practice pretending you have, then make him jealous.” Perrie smirks then, a little mischievous glow in her eyes.

 “Make him- jealous? How?”

 “Show him what he’s missing! Go clubbing one night and get dirty with some dudes and make sure he’s looking. I can be your wing-woman if you want…Just bring a few friends and I’ll bring a few of my girls with me, how does it sound?”

Harry nods, “But, how do I text him? Or call? Just say, like, ‘Hey, I’m over you, lets be friends now’?” 

“No- fuck no- just go see him _in person_ in a week or something-”

“I cant wait another week-”

“Just wait another week,” She repeats, “And when you see him in person say that you were just caught up in the moment, or something dumb like that, and promise it won’t happen again. Try to be sincere.” 

And Harry nods, and since it’s a half hour before 5:00, they decide to pack up and text each other later to discuss details.

 Perrie lets it slip that she thinks Zayn is cute, so Harry adds Zayn to the list of people he could possibly invite to the club if all things go the way he hopes they will. 

000 

Harry waits 5 days. He knows maybe he should wait 7, or maybe 10, but he can’t hold out any longer. And it’s not like he exactly planned for himself to go see him, it was just a spontaneous coincidence.

He’s walking from the grocery store, the whole situation feeling rather familiar, and as he looks around, he spots a black cat sitting on a bench, and his heart thumps in his chest, then it feels like it’s dropped into his stomach.

He walks towards the cat, and makes a clicking noise with his tongue. The cat looks at him, and Harry smiles. 

“Nigel, how did you get out again?” Harry says playfully, and picks Nigel up, who in return clings to Harry like the first time they met. This time, though, Louis is standing across the street from where Harry’s complex is, waiting. 

“Knew he’d find you, and you’d find him in return.” Louis says, and his words are soft and gentle, although he doesn’t smile at Harry as he returns the cat back to him. It’s quiet for a moment between them, both of them staring at the cat, then stealing glances at each other. 

“Listen, Lou-” 

“No, I should apologize first. I said some things that weren’t the nicest, and I guess I kind of realized everyone is different, you know? Sure, I’m kind of sensitive about things, but other people are sensitive about _other_ things and-” 

“You were right, though.” Harry cuts him off, and Louis opens his mouth to say something back but Harry interrupts again, “I get attached to people too quickly. I care too much about strangers- and I literally wear my heart on my fucking forehead, if you haven’t realized.” Harry deadpans. 

“Harry-” Louis shakes his head, but Harry silences him. 

“It was wrong for me to kiss you when you said you just wanted to be friends. I accept that now, ok? I understand that you don’t want anything more to happen between us, and I’m ok with that.” Harry can’t believe the words that are coming out of his mouth, cause it is all the exact opposite to what he actually wants to say to Louis. 

Louis looks shocked, at a complete loss for words, and Harry just sighs, shoulders sagging. Louis surges foreword then, putting an arm around Harry and hugging him. 

“Thank you, Harry.” Louis whispers, Harry returns his hug with one arm as well since his other is occupied with three bags of groceries. They both tighten, and Harry closes his eyes, wanting to savor the moment. 

“By the way, are you free anytime this week? I wanted to have a get together with a bunch of friends at this club called Wharm Vhibes? Or something like that…” Harry says, and halfway through they pull away from each other, Harry more reluctant then Louis.

“Yeah! Definitely! I love dancing.” Louis smiles big and genuine and his eyes sparkle, and is it bad that Harry had missed that? It’s not like they had been with each other 24/7 that Harry actually had a bunch of little things to recall to miss about Louis, but he did anyways, even though Harry only really knew what other people said about him. Another thing he misses was his rosy cheeks and feathery hair, the way all his clothes looked oversized and Harry wanted to wrap him up in his jumpers and just watching him do _anything_. 

 “Ok, I’ll text you then.” Harry gives him a lopsided smile, and then they say their goodbyes and part ways.

 The lopsided smile stays on Harry’s face the whole way into his flat, and stays as he texts Perrie and they set up everything together over the phone.

 000

 On that very Friday, Harry finds himself seated in a booth, across from Perrie, who’s been occupied talking to Zayn all night, and a girl named Lauren, who just happens to have a boyfriend back home who looks like Harry. Harry pretends to listen to her as she goes on about her boyfriend, but all Harry can focus on is the fact that Louis hasn’t showed up yet, no matter how many times he confirmed he was coming that night. 

But when he does come, Harry’s whole life feels like it’s just turned into absolute shit, because Louis didn’t come alone. 

Harry sees the look on Perrie’s face when Louis comes waltzing over to them, a big smile on his face. 

“Everyone, I’d like you to meet Keaton,” Louis says, and Harry forces a smile, as does Perrie, “Harry I hope you don’t mind I brought a friend of my own?”

“’Course not.” Harry replies seconds later, “Any friend of Louis’ is a friend of mine.” Harry looks at Keaton, and even though he’s smiling he feels like his eyes are sending daggers to Keaton, who in return looks severely uncomfortable. 

“Well, ‘friend’ is just a part of what I am, to Louis at least.” Keaton says, and then he blushes, and Louis bites his lip. Harry keeps a smile on his face even though he feels like he could burst into tears at any moment. Because- what the fuck happened to not getting attached? What happened to the whole ‘commitment issues’ thing Nick had been rambling about for a whole _fucking_ week?

“Well _boyfriend_ , then, but labels don’t really matter.” Louis says with a bit of an awkward laugh. 

“Nope.” Harry says, still keeping the same expression from the beginning, “You two have fun.”

Louis nods, and then he and Keaton move their way into the mass of sweaty bodies and Harry’s façade drops instantly, and he looks at Perrie.

 “What the fuck do I do now!?” He asks desperately, tears welling in his eyes, “This is all ruined.”

 “Hey, hey, hey, don’t cry, ok Harryberry?” Perrie says, using the cute little nickname she gave Harry when she had come across a picture of Harry when he was younger, with blueberries stuck up his nostrils, which he had then reenacted out for her when she’d come over to work on the project and he was making blueberry pie, “You’re going to go out onto that dance floor, find a guy- no- find _two_ guys, and make him jealous.” She says clearly and loudly, and Harry just stares blankly at her, his mind still processing how Louis now has a boyfriend and its not Harry, “Do I need to spell it out for you? Go! Lauren- go with him!” 

"But-” Lauren is about to protest but Perrie jerks her head towards Zayn, who’s on his phone and not paying much attention to anything. Lauren rolls her eyes and then looks at Harry, “Come on then, lets buy ourselves drinks and find you someone to hook up with while I text my lovely boyfriend-” 

Harry loses her then, not caring what she is saying more about her boyfriend since she’s dragging him through the crowd towards the bar, and once they wedge their way through, they are ordering two fruity drinks, to Lauren’s delight.

“My boyfriend would never drink these with me.” Lauren laughs slightly, “It’s nice to have a GBF to do these things with.” 

Harry raises his eyebrows, sipping his mojito questionably. 

“GBF? Gay best friend.” Lauren says, and Harry then shrugs, already feeling too drunk to care. 

“If I am really your GBF,” Harry says, his nose crinkling slightly because it’s just so ridiculous, “Then you wouldn’t mind taking a few shots with me, would you?”

 “Well, what are a few to you?” 

“About, three to six?”  
  
Lauren ponders it for a minute, and then sucks down the last bit of her drink and nods. 

They have five in total, before they both agree that if they have one more they’ll end up throwing up apple-smelling vodka and it won’t be pretty.

 “I’m gonna go sit down, you alright out there alone?” Lauren asks, seeming more genuine now that she’s got a few drinks in her, and she hasn’t mentioned her boyfriend since they finished the first fruity drink, which Harry is grateful for.

"Yeah, ‘course, go enjoy yourself in the booth with the goths.” 

Lauren laughs, “Ok, be careful.” She says and gives him a kiss on the cheek before she disappears back to their reserved booth in the corner of the club.

 Harry sucks his bottom lip in his mouth, fingers playing with the bottom of his shirt, and then he takes a step foreword to start weaving through the crowd.

 It’s hot, is the first thing Harry notices. It’s as if the air is different, the whole atmosphere and the whole universe has just shifted into something totally paranormal.

 Harry finds himself dancing alone, then when a girl comes up to him, he just shakes his head and turns, and when he turns, he bumps into a guy. The guy smiles at him, placing a questionable hand on Harry’s hip, and Harry smiles dopily at him, as he lets himself be claimed.

 He doesn’t find two guys like Perrie said to do, but this one guy is just perfect. He isn’t too built, plus his skin is tan and his hair is feathery and light colored. Harry thinks maybe if he can imagine blue eyes, thin lips, and a button nose, he can pretend it’s Louis, not some stranger who’s got one hand on his bum, the other on his crotch.

 Harry lets the boy do whatever he pleases, lets him turn him around to grind himself into Harry and Harry whines, voice drowned out from the music, because it’s just been awfully long since he’s had something inside of himself other thing his fingers and right now he doesn’t care if the next thing that’s inside him isn’t Louis.

 Harry, even when he’s drunk, with another guy, and in a massive crowd, could spot Louis from where he is. Louis and Keaton were kissing fiercely, Keaton’s hands roaming over Louis’ body greedily and Louis’ delicate hands were just placed on his shoulders, a bit awkwardly if Harry thought about it for too long, so he didn’t.

 But then, the longer he looked, he noticed that Louis opened his eyes every once in a while, eyes scanning a little before they’d close again. Harry instinctively dances his way closer to Louis, the guy following behind him and not caring where exactly he’s going, since his breath smells like alcohol and nicotine and his eyes are bloodshot and wild.

 Once close enough to Louis, Harry turns to fully face the guy behind him, and kisses him. It’s nothing like kissing Louis’ soft lips. There was stubble on this guys face as well but it wasn’t as nice as Louis’. He pulls away just before the boy can use tongue, and moves to his ear, looking towards Louis, and whispers,

 “Did you want to fuck me soon?” Harry had looked away just as Louis’ eyes opened again, and he knew he’d been spotted from the way, out of the corner of his eyes, he could see that Louis had turned Keaton’s back to them, so he could watch over his shoulder. Harry said the words very carefully, loudly, making sure that if someone, Louis, were to read his lips, he’d know what Harry was saying.

“Yes, fuck, do you have any morals?” 

Harry quirks his lips and turns his head to the side, “Excuse me?” 

“I mean, would you rather come back to my place or just fuck in the stall.” The boy shrugs, “Either is fine with me, but if you have no shame I’d rather just fuck you in the stall then have to waste money on a taxi.” 

Harry feels like an idiot, and as the boy waits for an answer, Harry looks clearly over at Louis, who closes his eyes instantly, a smile spread across his face. Harrys completely turned off and disgusted by this stranger, and he doesn’t understand why. He’s wanted someone to want him for so long now. He’s unsure if it’s just the mixing drinks that have got his stomach in knots or if it’s the fact that Louis is watching this all happen. Louis looks smug, is the thing, and maybe Harry was wrong about the kind of person Louis is. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I can do either.” Harry says, and he pushes himself away from the boy’s arms and makes his way to the booth. He slides in quickly, putting a hand over his forehead. He’s sweaty and embarrassed and a little more sober, feeling a heavy weight on his shoulders. 

Nick is in the booth now, looking like he’s contemplating murdering himself or Lauren, now that she’s talking about her boyfriend again. Once Harry slides in, Nick and Lauren both turn to him. Perrie isn’t there anymore, neither is Zayn, so Harry hopes that everything went well with them. 

“Hey buddy, how’d everything go?” Lauren asks, and Harry shakes his head.

“This wasn’t a good idea.” 

“Fuck- is that Louis!?” Nick asks, practically yelling over the music, and Harry looks to where he’s looking where Louis is no longer making out with Keaton, but instead fiercely grinding against each other, and Harry feels even more sick then he did before. 

“Yeah.” 

“And who’s the fit lad with him?”  
  
“Keaton.” Harry says with disgust, scrunching his nose up. 

“Boy toy?”  
  
“ _Boyfriend_.” Harry says and then looks down at the table, his finger circling around a ring of water. 

Nick looks taken aback, “What? Since when?”  
  
“Tonight, apparently.” Harry shrugs.

Nick puts a hand on his shoulders, leaning close to him, “I’m sorry, mate. Did you want me to help?” 

Harry looks at Nick, “Help how?” He asks. 

“Well, we could make out,” Nick says, and Harry shakes his head slightly, but Nick continues, “Or, if you want, I can lure ‘Keaton’ away.” He raises a suggestive eyebrow, and Harry likes that idea much better then the first. 

“Ok.” He says, “But how?”  
  
“I’ll wait till they separate, because obviously Keaton is a douchebag who’ll offer to buy drinks, and then I’ll swoop in at the bar, and then you can swoop in on Louis.” Nick says and smiles mischievously, and just as he finishes saying it, Harry looks up to find that that is exactly what is beginning to happen. 

Louis pouts adorably at Keaton, who shrugs slightly and then kisses the pout off Louis’ lips, which makes Harry’s whole being tremble with sadness and jealousy. 

Nick slides out of the booth after Harry does, and just before Nick makes his way to the bar he says, “And if he offers you a blowjob, say _yes_ this time.” 

Harry wobbles over towards Louis, who’s sort of just bobbing around aimlessly. Harry taps his shoulder lightly, and Louis spins around with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. 

“Oh- hey!” He says, and then smiles wider, eyes crinkling, “Keaton’s just gone to get me a drink!” He yells over the music, and Harry nods. 

“When did you two meet?” Harry says and starts to move with Louis, bobbing aimlessly as well.

 “Uh...” Louis quirks his lips, “Halloween, he was at my party… He’s really sweet. You’d like him.” Louis says and tries to give another smile but fails completely and ends up just looking down to the ground. Harry lets the silence fill between them, eyes flicking over to the bar where Nick and Keaton are talking, and Harry thinks he’s got a few more minutes of alone time with Louis before Nick’s plan fails and Keaton comes back.

 Harry bends over to look at Louis, and Louis looks up, following his eyes as Harry straightens up. Louis’ eyes are watery and Harry pretends not to notice. He doesn’t need to really pretend anyways, all the drinks he’s had has made him feel like he doesn’t care about anything. Which, at this point, is true.

 “I’m really glad you could come out tonight.” Harry says, “I just wanted to tell you something.”

 Louis has been staring between Harry’s eyes and his lips, and Harry almost misses it as Louis, Harry reading his lips, says quietly, “Tell me.”

 “I meant what I said the other day, about how I’m ok with nothing happening between us- like, ever.” Harry says, trying to make a point but he isn’t sure how well its going since Louis’ face his dropped and he looks like he’s been slapped, “I don’t care anymore, Louis.”

 Louis stops dancing, and Harry continues for a few moments before slowing down. 

“That’s what you wanted from the beginning, right?” 

Louis looks down instead of responding, and at that moment, Keaton comes back with two brightly colored drinks and offers one to Louis. Louis looks up slowly, eyes noticeably wet now. 

“Come on, Keaton, we’re leaving. Now.” Louis says, and as he walks away with Keaton’s wrist tight in his hand, drinks forgotten, he looks back at Harry, a few tears escaping his eyes. 

Harry watches him disappear through the crowd, and Nick appears beside him.

 “Didn’t go well I assume? No blowjobs? No plans to meet in the washroom stalls with the glory hole?” Nick tries to joke, and Harry stares foreword. And he catches one more glimpse of Louis, and his mind just starts to scream _no, don’t let it end like this_. 

Harry doesn’t even try to say an explanation to Nick before he’s zooming away and weaving through the crowd. Louis and Keaton haven’t left yet, instead Harry can see Keaton, who’s red in the face, saying things to Louis and Louis isn’t looking at him, he’s looking anywhere but Keaton. 

“Louis!” Harry calls, voice drowned by the music, but Louis’ head turns ever so slightly, eyes landing on Harry instantly. His eyes are burning into him, and Harry can’t see any emotion behind them except anger. Louis shakes his head, and then pulls Keaton out the door. 

When Harry steps out into the cold November night, he doesn’t spot Louis or Keaton anywhere, but he does spot bright purple hair and his chest stings slightly.

“Perrie? Zayn? What’re you doing out here?” Harry says, walking across the narrow street towards them, where they are huddled together with a cigarette passing between them. Harry puts his hands in his jean pockets, hoping they wont freeze off.

“To get some peace and quiet.” Perrie says, but Zayn interrupts and says, 

“They don’t let you smoke inside. Although it smells so strongly of weed in there- fucking bullshit!” He yells, and the bodyguard at the door doesn’t flinch at all from Zayn’s little outburst.

 “Why are _you_ out here?” Perrie asks, leaning in a little more towards Zayn.

 “I tried to follow Louis, but-” Harry shrugs, “He’s gone, I guess. _They_ are gone.” Harry corrects himself after a moment, referring to Louis and Keaton.

 “They were heading to the parking garage. Just down the street actually.” Zayn offers, and his voice is strained slightly since he’s holding his breath after he’d inhaled from the cigarette.

 Harry follows the blunt directions Zayn gives him, and he walks to the parking garage. He can physically feel his heart pumping against his chest, and as he approaches the garage, he sees a small figure standing alone, and he just knows its Louis from the feathery caramel hair that he can see illuminated from the streetlight. 

“Louis?” Harry says quietly as he approaches him. Louis whips around, looking scared for a few seconds before it subsides, and that’s when Harry notices his red eyes and red lips from being bitten.

“Did you follow me?” Louis asks incredulously. Harry watches his lips as he speaks, wet and sinful and Harry has to mentally slap himself to get himself back on track.  
  
“Did you expect me not to?” Harry replies back in the same tone.

“I thought you said you didn’t care.” Louis practically spits, arms crossing over himself and he looks impossibly smaller then he had.

“I do care. About you-”

“Then why did you tell me you didn’t care?” Louis interrupts, voice growing louder and he looks like he’s trying so desperately not to care.

“Isn’t that what you wanted to hear?” Harry retorts, voice louder then Louis’, “You told me you weren’t getting attached…You said we were friends or we were nothing,” Harry watches as Louis’ body goes ridged from the desperation in Harry’s voice, and Harry doesn’t realize he’s crying till he tastes the salty tears at the corner of his lips, “You made me feel so guilty for kissing you! And then the next thing I know you’ve got a fucking boyfriend from Halloween that is kissing you right in front of me and-and did you think I’d get over you that fast?” Harry asks, chest heaving and he rests back against the brick wall of the parking garage, staring down at the road instead of Louis, “You won’t even give me a chance.” He croaks out, “I’m falling so hard for you and you won’t even give me a _chance_.” 

A car pulls up behind Louis, and Harry looks up to see its Keaton, leaning over the seat to unlock the door for Louis.

Louis is staring at Harry, expression blank, “Maybe it’s best that way.” He whispers, “That I don’t give you a chance. And I did…coming here? I gave you a chance to be my friend,” 

“Louis I want to be more-”

 “ _Be my friend_ ,” Louis repeats sternly, tears falling from his eyes and he blinks them away, “You don’t know me.”

 “And ‘Keaton’ does?” Harry asks as he stands straight and walks a little towards Louis, using finger quotes around Keaton. He knows he probably looks and sounds like an asshole, but Louis is the one being an asshole. Harry knows it, “He’s known you as long as I have, maybe I’ve even known you a bit longer.”

 Louis turns and looks back at Keaton, who raises an eyebrow at him, and Louis looks back to Harry as he begins walking backwards towards the car. 

“We’re done here, Harry.” Louis says and puts a hand on the car door. 

Harry sniffs and rubs his nose, “So that’s it then? My pathetic declaration of love means _nothing_ to you. _I_ mean nothing to you?” He laughs slightly, feeling like he’s going insane. 

Louis looks down to Harry’s feet, then slowly back up to his face, eyes tired and Harry can’t really tell what other emotions are flashing there because its dark and he’s still a little drunk. 

Louis takes a deep, stuttering breath, then opens the door behind him and climbs in. 

When the car door slams, Harry collapses against the wall again, putting his face in his hands and he can hear the car driving away, the smell of the gas fading as Harry finds himself freezing and alone and sobbing by a deserted parking garage. 

000

When December rolls around, Harry thinks that he’s definitely ready for the holidays. He’s ready to go home and to not have to see or talk to anyone, (except Perrie, who has made him promise to Skype) for a whole week.

It’s the last few days of classes before the holidays officially start, and the university grounds have already turned into a ghost town, leaving Harry and Nick the only ones who still go for coffees in the afternoon. 

“You’re just heading back to Holmes then?” Nick asks as he slides into the chair across from Harry, handing him his coffee he ordered him and then sipping his own.  
  
“Nowhere else to go.” Harry says after he’s finished taking off his gloves and wrapping his fingers around the warm coffee cup. 

“I already told you to come down to London with me. There is going to be a Christmas and New Years party- you’d love it. And the five days in between are pretty much spent drinking as well.”

“My mom wouldn’t like me missing out on Christmas, though. We have a tradition, anyways, of going to the pub after dinner for pudding and drinks, and then by 2:00 am, drunk karaoke.” Harry smiles slightly, memories of those nights and all the fun he’s had in the previous years. 

The year he came out was actually was one of those nights. And he’d said it after he’d sung a cover of Jingle Bell Rock. He’d thrown up on the stage as his family applauded him since they had all guessed it beforehand, “Then on New Years we all just relax, really. Mom will usually make a soup or chili and we’ll watch the ball drop in Time Square on the telly.” 

“Bo-ring.” Nick whispers, but loud enough for Harry to hear. Harry rolls his eyes and clicks his tongue sarcastically, and then Nick sighs, “You heard from him at all?”  
  
“Who?”  
  
“Don’t play dumb, Harry. Louis.” 

“Oh,” Harry says, shaking his head after a few moments, “No…Don’t really want to dwell on it to be honest.” 

“He broke up with Keaton, just to let you know. He found him with a girl.” Nick says, emphasizing the girl, “Turns out Keaton was just going through a phase.”

 “Have you talked to him personally about all this?”

“No. I talked to Sean, who talked to Aidan, who was the one that talked to Louis personally.” Nick says, Harry nodding, “Anyways, I have to go ‘cause I have one more class till my holidays start, so I’ll catch up with you later, ok?”

Harry nods, “Yeah, my last class is my lecture tomorrow. Then I’m free.” 

“If I don’t see you before you leave for home, or before I leave for London, have a good time at home, alright? Don’t think about school or anyone here, cause they are not worth your time.” 

Harry knows Nick is referring to Louis, not school or anyone else at the school, but Harry just nods again and sips his coffee.

 “Will do.”

 Before Harry knows it, he’s packing his clothing in bags, and then packing them in the back of a taxi.

 His sister hasn’t arrived yet, since she has to take a three-hour train ride and Harry is only an hour taxi drive away. Harry’s house is small, but so are all the other houses in the little village. It’s covered in thick layer of snow, and snowflakes are falling lightly from the grey sky as Harry opens the gate and walks up the front porch steps to the front door.

 “Smells good.” Harry says loudly in the doorway as he opens the door, and his mother screams from the kitchen, and continues screaming as she runs from the kitchen to Harry, hugging him tightly. Harry closes the door with his foot before he begins to hug her back.

 “You scared me! Then I realized it was you!” She says.

 “Sorry.” Harry laughs slightly, already feeling that little bit better from a simple hug.

 “Robin is outside chopping some wood, he’ll be glad to know you made it ok. Gemma’s train is delayed because of a storm, heading our way too.” Anne says as she places Harry’s bags at the end of the stairs.

 “She’ll be home for dinner?”

 Anne nods, “Yes, hopefully. If not, I’ll heat up some chicken for her later.”

 “So _that’s_ what you’re making?” Harry says, shrugging his coat off and hanging it over the banister and walking into the kitchen, Anne following suit. She slaps Harry’s hand lightly when he tries to grab one of the Christmas cookies, 

“If you eat one you’ll spoil your dinner. Why don’t you get settled in your room?” 

Harry frowns but nods and leaves the kitchen, grabbing his bags and heading to his childhood room. He remembers when he’d kissed his first boy in his room. He had brought him home from school to work on a project and somehow they ended up kissing on Harry’s bed until the boy’s mom had come to pick him up. He was around 13 then, and he knew he was definitely gay after he’d loved the way boys felt kissing him. 

He smiles a bit sadly, sitting on his bed, hearing the old wood creak. 

He kind of hoped when he’d met Louis that they would be together, that he would have brought him home this Christmas and be kissing him on his bed right now. Harry wanted Louis to be the last person he’d kiss for the rest of his life. 

He changes out of his jeans and shirt into sweatpants and a sweater, knowing that the house gets colder later at night because the heating never worked right, and they never had the money to fix it. 

He goes back downstairs after he puts his first round of clothes in the laundry, says hello to Robin, and then spends the night watching TV, eating dinner, then having ice cream with Gemma when she gets home late at night, their parents already asleep. 

“How’s school?” Gemma asks, the TV off. The only sound in the house is the clinking of their spoons on the bowls and the crackling of the dying fire. 

“Its good. How about you?”  
  
“It’s alright, kind of thinking of switching my major again.”

Harry nods, frowning sympathetically. “Are you still seeing Ashton?”  
  
“No, haven’t really talked to him one-on-one in a few months. Didn’t think it’d work anyways...What about you?” She says, and then smiles and sits up, “You meet anyone?”  
  
Harry laughs slightly and then frowns, “Yeah.” He whispers.

“What!” Gemma whisper-yells, “Tell me about him!”  
  
“His name is Louis. He has a cat and he’s so perfect-” Harry doesn’t even finish before Gemma is interrupting him. 

“Have you told mom and dad?” 

“There isn’t really anything to say, Gem. We never dated.” Harry says and he’s sure Gemma can hear the sadness in his voice, cause she puts down her ice cream and hugs him the best she can without getting her hair in his ice cream. 

“Why not?”  
  
“He has commitment issues, I guess.” Harry uses Nick’s words, “But, he’s so beautiful and so funny and- I haven’t talked to him since the beginning of November.”

 “What happened at the beginning of November?” She asked, her tone a little playful but sad as well.

“Well, I kissed him-” 

“Harry!” Gemma smiles a little, but Harry continues. 

“And we didn’t talk. Then we made up and he had a boyfriend. We fought and it was stupid and now we aren’t talking.”

 “Did he have a boyfriend when you kissed him?” 

"No-and that’s the thing-” Harry sits straighter and looks directly at her, “He got a boyfriend when he fully well knew I wanted to be with him.” 

“Do you think he did it to show you he didn’t want to be with you?” 

Harry never thought about it that way, so he doesn’t respond. His head falls and hangs between his shoulders, his back slumping as that thought runs through his mind.

“He could’ve just told me-” Harry stops, cause Louis _did_ tell him. Louis said he only wanted to be friends. Harry looks up at Gemma with a pained expression, “Do you think he finds me unattractive?”

Gemma shrugs, “What does his boyfriend look like?”  
  
“Well Louis is short, and his boyfriend is only a little taller. He’s really muscular and has got shaggy brown, straight hair. D’you think it’s because I’ve got curly hair and I’m tall and awkward he doesn’t like me?” 

Gemma lets out a short laugh, “Maybe he just has a preference. It’s not necessarily _you_ he has a problem with; it’s just himself. He just doesn’t find you physically attractive, which, Harry, it’s ok if he doesn’t cause there are plenty of boys and you’ve got plenty of time to meet someone who likes your curly hair and your awkwardness.” She chimes. 

“Thanks.” Harry says half-heartedly, rolling his eyes slightly. 

“I’m just trying to help.” Gemma says quietly after a few moments of silence. 

000

 In the morning, Harry wakes up to a cold house, a sweet smell in the air and his feet dangling off the edge of his bed. He rolls over to check his phone, a message from Nick telling him if he changes his mind about coming to the party Nick will pay for a train ticket for him.

 He chucks his phone aside and gets up slowly. He does a quick morning routine of peeing and brushing his teeth before he makes his way downstairs. He finds his mother sitting at the table with a coffee and a book.

 “Good morning.” Harry says and he tries to give a bright smile.

 Anne looks up, “More like good _afternoon_ ,” She says with a little smirk, “It’s nearly a quarter to 1, how late did you stay up last night?”

  
“Stayed up with Gemma for a bit, but slept right after.” He replies tiredly. 

“Her and Robin went to the shopping center to buy me a gift, since Robin always needs help with that sort of thing. There’s some coffee left in the kettle from this morning, although I don’t think it’s-”

“Mom.” Harry interrupts, standing in the middle of the kitchen and looking at her expressionless.

“Yes?”

 “Can I skip out on New Years this year?”

 Anne’s eyebrows furrow and she laughs slightly, her full attention now clearly on Harry since she’s got her book closed and glasses off, “Why would you want to do that?”

“My friend invited me to London. He’s got a flat and everything, I’ll head down on the 26th and just stay there the rest of my time off.”

Anne considers it for a moment, “No drugs right?” 

Harry shakes his head, “Not that I know of- but I wouldn’t do any anyways.” He says the last part quickly. 

“Well, if you really want to go I suppose that’s alright,” She says, and Harry’s lips turn up slightly in an attempt at a smile, “And don’t go kissing any girls.” Anne says, and then smiles.

Harry smiles for real now too, and says, “I would never.” Which makes Anne laugh before she returns to her book. 

Christmas is always fun in the Styles’ household. Everyone in the family contributes to a part of the meal, and as tradition follows. After dinner, and a snowball fight in the yard, everyone from Harry’s grandparents to his aunt who’s carrying an 8-month-old baby in a sling, stumbles into the bar all pink cheeked and happy.

Harry doesn’t feel all that happy, but he does feel like taking shots with his cousins to forget about Louis. 

Nick is elated when Harry tells him that he’s coming for New Years, but he’s not so happy that Harry guilt’s him into buying a train ticket for him.

So, on the 30th, the night before the New Years Eve party, Harry finds himself sitting on the floor of a cold flat, watching on Nick’s computer a movie on Netflix, and eating cookie dough from a package. 

“Guess who’s coming to the party tomorrow.” 

“Who?” Harry asks, voice muffled from his finger in his mouth. It’s a good night, tonight, and the past few days have been a sort of realization that he didn’t need Louis or anyone right now to make him happy. He needed his family and friends, and he had more then he could ask for. 

“Louis.” Nick says, and Harry’s eyes flick over to him instantly, burning holes into the side of his head as Nick purposefully ignores him. And _fuck him_ , really, cause Harry hasn’t said a word about Louis since he arrived on the 26th, and neither has Nick, and _fuck him_ for bringing it up. 

“Why?”  
  
“He always comes to them,” Nick shrugs, “And its Aidan’s cousin who’s party it actually is, so _of course_ Louis will be anywhere that Aidan is.” 

Harry whines, and Nick finally looks over at him.

 “I’m sorry, I thought it’d probably be best to tell you then have you see him tomorrow and be mad at me cause I knew all along he was coming.”

“You should have told me earlier, I wouldn’t have come-” 

“Well, maybe I thought it’d be better to just face your fears, Harry. I’m a good friend, even if you don’t think I am right at this moment.”

 Harry pouts and puts another small blob of cookie dough in his mouth.

 “You’re a good friend, but I hate you.” Harry says all matter-of-factly, then, “I’m gonna go to sleep.”

 000

 The New Years Eve party is probably one of the best things Harry has ever attended in his life.

 He can hear music blaring from the elevator, and when Nick presses the button for the penthouse Harry’s eyes widen slightly.

 “Whose party is this again?”

 “Aidan’s cousin- who’s dating a model, believe it or not. So they’re pretty...like...well off.” Nick’s eyebrow rises slightly at the ding of the elevator opening, and they come out to a narrow hallway, with only one door on the end. 

“This is a thing you see in movies, mate.”

 “I _told_ you this would be amazing.”

Harry rolls his eyes as the smile on his face grows, and follows Nick down the hall. There is a sign on the door that says it’s unlocked; and to ‘leave your shoes on the carpet, and your coat wherever you please’ with a little scraggily smiley face next to it. 

So they do as told, they enter the apartment, the song changing from a Tiesto remix to some Miley Cyrus remix as they take off their boots and throw their jackets onto a chair where all the rest are piled up. 

Harry follows Nick into the next room, where about 50 or more people are dancing and chatting and drinking and Nick makes a beeline for the bar, Harry following suit. 

“I don’t think I know anyone here but you, ok? So- don’t leave me, alright?” Harry says, trying to be loud over the music, and Nick nods, so Harry hopes he hears him.

"You remember that guy Ben I had told you about?” Nick asks after they’ve taken their first shot.

 “Kind of, what about him?”

 “He’s here tonight, tell me if you see him, ok?” He asks and pats his shoulder.

“But I don’t...” Harry trails off, Nick walking away, “...Even know what he looks like.” Harry pouts.

 Harry spots Louis a few minutes later, bobbing around alone with a drink in his hand, and Harry has to have another drink before he decides to stride over.

“ _Of course_ you’re here.” Louis slurs the second he sees Harry, his tone sarcastic and a sloppy smile on his face. 

“And of course you’re here.” Harry replies back almost instantly, and the smile grows impossibly larger on Louis’ face. 

“You know I can’t stop thinking about you.” Louis says, and Harry raises his eyebrows, beginning to follow Louis’ little dance steps.

 “Is that right? Weren’t you the one who said you didn’t do relationships?”

 “Shut the fuck up for a minute, will you?” Louis says and Harry laughs, dropping his head slightly and looking back up at him, “I’d like you to kiss me again.” 

“You would, hmm?” 

“I would. I’m sure.” 

“You sure you aren’t going to storm out on me again? Ignore me for weeks and then when I next see you, you have a _boyfriend_?”

 Harry was about to laugh from Louis’ reaction but it was cut short when Louis grabbed him by the back of the neck and kissed him, hard. Harry responded immediately by grasping his hips tightly and pulling him foreword. Their tongues slid alongside each other as the song’s changed and Harry could feel the rhythm beating through his veins. 

Even though he couldn’t hear it, Harry could feel Louis moan against his mouth, and that alone was enough to make Harry sport a semi. 

“Need this- need _you_ so bad.” Louis whispers into his ear, then moving to kiss, suck, and bite a bruise onto his jawline, then lower on his neck near his collarbone. 

Harry moans loudly, lips open, red and wet and Louis looks at him, eyes glossy and lips probably the exact same as Harry’s are.

 “Not here,” He whispers, “Not tonight- not when we’re both pretty pissed, I assume.” 

“Well- ok,” Louis frowns slightly but he smiles again, “How about that blowjob then, hmm?” He raises his eyebrows, and Harry laughs a little, shaking his head.  
  
“How about we just kiss for a bit?” He suggests, and Louis’ smile fades. He’s about to reply when some people start screaming and he rolls his eyes, grabbing Harry’s hand and pulling him out of the loud crowd of people, and into another room, which Harry learns is the coat closet, where the coats are actually supposed to go, when Louis turns the light on.

“A closet?” Harry questions the irony of them two hiding in a closet.  
  
“Shut up, I need to ask you something.”  
  
“Ask away.”

“Out there- when you said you just wanted to kiss me, were you serious?” 

Harry waits a moment to see if Louis is kidding or not with what he is saying, but when he realizes Louis is serious, he nods quickly, “Yeah, definitely, don’t want you to think I am taking advantage of you or anything.” 

“You’d really be ok with just kissing me?”  
  
“And what’s so wrong with that? I mean- all that other stuff, it can come later or never at all.”  
  
“Would you like to come later?” 

Harry gives Louis a stern look, and Louis laughs a little, “Really, Louis, I’m perfectly fine with just kissing you.” 

They end up missing the countdown, having been stuck inside a seemingly soundproof closet, Harry with his back against the wall and Louis straddling his hips as they simply just kissed, getting familiar with each other. Harry couldn’t have imagined a better New Years. 

 000 

The morning after was a weird experience for the both of them. Harry found himself tangled under soft coats and a soft warm body- Louis. 

He peaked an eye open, finding Louis resting himself on top of Harry, sleeping soundly with his small hand curled into Harry’s shirt. 

He didn’t want to wake him up, he would have rather just stared at him, but he didn’t know what time it was or even what day it was. 

“I can feel you staring at me.” Harry hears Louis’ voice whisper, small and groggy since it’s early.

“I can feel you’re drool soaking through my shirt.”

Louis groans and he pushes himself up slightly, still on Harry’s chest.

“What time is it?” He asks as Harry’s thumb wipes the side of Louis’ mouth.

“I don’t know, my phone died, so did yours, I already checked.”

“Guess we better get up then and see the damage?”  
  
Louis is about to move off of him, and Harry can’t have that. He rolls Louis over and then flops on top of him, hair dangling down to tickle Louis’ cheeks, and Louis opens his mouth to say something but Harry quickly kisses the thought away.

“Now we can get up.” Harry says once he moves away, breathing a little uneven and forehead rested against Louis’. Louis smiles fondly. 

The damage in the apartment isn’t that bad, despite everyone lying around like dead bodies and food and drinks spilled everywhere, Louis is happy that his friends won’t be asking him to help clean up at all. 

It’s only around 6:00 am, so they decide to find their coats and shoes and then walk to where Louis is staying. 

It’s a small motel about twenty minutes away, and its freezing cold outside, but Harry keeps Louis under his arm and they manage to not get hypothermia. They stop for a few minutes when Louis sneakily grabs some snow and puts some of it down Harry’s shirt, which begins a little snowball fight ending in Louis lying on a bed of snow with Harry overtop of him, cold noses hitting each other as they frantically kiss away the cold on each others lips. 

“This motel has the worst heating ever.”  
  
“To be honest I don’t even think it has heating.” Louis says, looming behind Harry who’s trying to get the heater that was stored away in the closet to work, “I have an idea.”, Louis whispers, cold fingers on Harry’s neck and making their way up to his forehead, pushing his damp hair away. Harry can feel Louis’ breath on his cheek and he whispers, “Lets go in the shower, yeah?” 

It takes less then a second for Harry to agree by turning around and picking Louis up, throwing him over his shoulder. Louis laughs and clings to Harry, clearly enjoying the manhandling and Harry takes a deep breath to calm himself down.

 They take the time to take off each other’s clothing, and Louis has a harder time getting Harry’s off because the wet snow has made Harry’s jeans impossibly tighter and Harry keeps reaching out for Louis to kiss him.

They had turned the shower on prior, and closed the door; even stuck the carpet near the opening at the bottom so whatever heat the shower produced wouldn’t escape. 

Louis gets in, followed by Harry, who’s hands fall onto Louis’ hips, pressing his back into Harry’s as they try to make themselves small enough together to fit under the water, which is surprisingly warm, but still not hot enough.

Harry is kissing down Louis’ neck softly, every part of his being bursting with excitement because he still can’t believe he is getting to do this, and he swears that he will never stop.

 “So perfect,” He whispers against his neck, “You’re so beautiful, so soft, so good.”

 When he hears Louis moan, he bites his lip, and turns Louis around to face him. Louis’ mouth sports a sultry smirk as he moves his head up to kiss Harry, hands previously on his shoulders moving up his neck to cup his cheeks.

 “Should’ve done this so long ago.” Louis says, head on Harry’s chest, eyes closed since the water is coming down over the both of them.

“Believe me I wanted to.” Harry replies, and Louis gives him a sad smile. Harry’s hand continues to move around Louis’ body, his own cock twitching at the sound of Louis moaning when he barely grazes his upper thigh.

 His hand slowly makes its way to the base of Louis’ cock, wrapping firmly around it and moving up and down excruciatingly slowly, Louis biting on Harry’ shoulder, eyes shut tight and small noises coming from his throat. Harry keeps a hand on Louis’ hip so he doesn’t start thrusting foreword into his hand, wanting to make Louis know who’s in charge. Louis’ small hand comes down to wrap around Harry’s, and he moves it, and Harry looks at him, confused, before Louis gets down on his knees. 

Harry has a hand tight in Louis’ soft hair, moaning loudly, the other hand holding him up by using the wall behind him. 

“Fuck-Louis” Harry says, coming with his eyes shut tight and Louis’ lips around his cock. Louis comes a few seconds later, his hand moving frantically. When Louis stands up, Harry pulls him in to kiss him roughly, and he can taste himself on his tongue and it makes him moan again.

 “I’m sorry I was such an ass, you need to know it wasn’t you, it was me.” Louis says, a few minutes after they’ve cleaned each other up with the small bottles of travel soap.

 Harry sighs, “No need to blame yourself. It was my fault too, I moved in too quickly-”

Louis suddenly moves and turns off the shower, “How about we go cuddle up in the small bed and discuss this?” 

Harry sighs slightly, cause his body is tingling from becoming warm and he’s now dripping wet with a dripping wet boy that he adores so dearly standing in front of him, and even though they seem to have move passed a lot of things, he still seems to be holding back. 

Harry accepts it slightly, and follows Louis out of the washroom, and Louis finds a sweater for himself and a pair of briefs for Harry since nothing else would really fit him.

 Once they are under the covers, Louis closes his eyes and Harry shakes his head.

“No falling asleep, you said we would talk.” Harry says, and he expects Louis to sigh dramatically or come up with an excuse, but instead Louis opens his eyes and looks at Harry for a few moments.

“I liked when you kissed me, I just didn’t want to accept that.” Harry is about to ask what he means, but then he realizes Louis is just continuing the conversation from where they left off in the shower, “When I first met you- I don’t know if you could tell or not that I was completely just- shocked? I mean- I saw you pick up my cat and walk with it, I watched you for about five minutes and I had seen you around before, in pictures on Instagram and even just around at parties and such. I had thought that you had never noticed me before, so I thought in some way maybe it was fate, you know? Out of all the cats walking around on campus, you picked up _my_ cat.” 

“Lou-”

 “Just let me finish, ok dear?” Louis says it so softly that it leaves Harry speechless. Harry nods, and so Louis continues, “And that whole thing with Keaton was literally just me trying to get you off my mind, but even when we…did things…and even that night at the Halloween party- Believe me I wasn’t that drunk I knew what I was doing- is it weird that I imagined it was all you? Up until recently I don’t think I could have come to terms with it all. But when you arrived at the New Years party…There must be thousands of other parties going on in the city and you happened to be at the same one I was at, and I just saw it as that whole cat thing again.”

“Another fate thing?” Harry asks, his hand is lazily tickling up and down Louis’ spine and he can feel Louis tingling with every circular motion or brush of his fingertips. It makes his own spine tingle, goose bumps form on his arms and the hair on the back of his neck stand up. 

“Another fate thing.” Louis echoes, and then he bites his lip, “I sound pretty insane don’t I? I mean… I’m really fucked up.” He says, and Harry’s about to tell him that he is perfect to him, but he can’t since Louis is suddenly climbing over him even more then he already is, and his hands are tightly grabbing Harry’s cheeks and kissing him hard. Harry quickly wraps his arms around Louis, and he thinks if he tried, he could probably wrap his arms around him more then once since he’s so small.

Harry flips them, Louis’ legs tight around Harry’s waist and he can feel that Louis already has a semi against his thigh, and it makes Harry shake slightly. 

“You aren’t fucked up,” Harry says and then goes to kiss him again, opening his eyes for a split second to see Louis’ tightly shut, “You aren’t fucked up,” He repeats, kissing him another time, “And even if you are- then I must be too.” 

And maybe this isn’t the bed that Harry had pictured kissing Louis on, maybe it wasn’t the most romantic way he’d imagine telling someone he loved them in different words, but it was perfect nonetheless.

000

Two weeks later, Harry wakes up and the first thing he notices is the strong smell of a cat, and the next thing he notices, is that Louis is underneath the covers, his small hands on Harry’s stomach and his mouth is kissing Harry’s thighs. 

“Jesus - fuck.” Harry whispers, pulling the covers off Louis, who instantly looks up. 

“No no, keep the covers over…its kind of hot, isn’t it? Mysterious and stuff.”  
  
Harry hears a meow, and sees that Nigel is sitting right next to him, on Louis’ pillow.

“Not when the cat has his butt right next to my face.” 

“Would you like it if _my_ butt was next to your face?”  
  
“Yes, that would be more preferable.”

 Louis’ hair is ruffled up like a cockatoo and his small hands are now resting on top of each other, Louis’ chin resting on his hands, a tired smile on his face, and Harry’s stomach is doing backflips because of it all. 

“I love-” 

“Shh, I’m about to suck your dick, tell me after.” Louis says with a small huff and then his hands go to maneuver Harry’s boxers down his thighs, one hand wrapped around the base of his semi-hard cock and he quickly envelops it into his mouth. 

Harry throws his head back, one hand going to Louis’ hair, the other going to grip the sheets since he doesn’t want to pull too hard on his hair. Harry tries to focus on Louis’ mouth on him, which is mainly what he is thinking about, but then again there is the whole ‘I love you’ thing.

Sure, they haven’t been seeing each other for that long. But Harry has had so many opportunities to say he loved him, and in so many moments, it felt right to say it. Louis always stopped him mid sentence, either kissing him or doing something to shut him up. 

This was one of those something’s.

 Harry curses when Louis pops off him, continuing to kiss around his thighs and such, biting in a love bite on his inner thigh. Harry’s legs shake, and when Louis’ tongue swirls around the head of Harry’s cock he comes undone, fist tight in Louis’ hair.

 Louis crawls out from underneath the blankets and lets out an exasperated breath as he collapses against Harry’s now slightly sweaty chest.

 “That was a nice start to the morning.” He whispers, kissing Harry’s nipple from the side.

“Can I ask you something?”

Louis hums, “Sure.”

 “Where do you see this relationship going? I mean- we’re both in university and the chances of us meeting anyone else is pretty slim, yeah? And I, if you cant tell, am crazy about you, Louis. Insane in the membrane.”

 Louis cracks a small smile, “How far do you see it going?”

“Honestly?”  
  
“110% honest.”

 “I want to marry you. Wake up next to you- adopt a few kids- live a mundane life but with _you_ it would be an adventure, I know it. No doubt.”

 Louis’ eyes seem distant, and he looks from Harry’s eyes over to Nigel, who meows. Louis rubs a hand over his face.

 “I sound quite possessive, don’t I? I mean, we’ve been together for two weeks and I _want to marry you_.”

 “Harry, the thing is - you don’t want me in your life. I’ve got a crazy mom and four annoying sisters, and all my friends have an alcoholic problem- including me, actually- and you won’t just be marrying me, you’ll be marrying Nigel as well.” Louis says, and it’s a jumble of thoughts and the only thing Harry manages to do is laugh.

 “That’s a pathetic excuse, baby.” Harry says, and then tugs Louis up to him so he can kiss him. Louis whines against his mouth.

 “You really want to stay with me? Seriously, like- have you seen Nigel? He’s a little ugly thing isn’t he?”

 “Louis! Stop!” Harry laughs, and he wraps his legs around Louis’ torso and flips them around in a mess of legs and arms, Louis making a small noise of protest since he had told Harry previously that he doesn’t like to be ‘manhandled’, even though Harry knows he does from the light in his eyes after he does something.

 “Stop what? Harry, I’m so shit at relationships.”

“Then don’t think of it as a relationship. Think of it as...the rest of your life.” Harry says, and Louis looks up at him with a strained expression, “Don’t over think it, and just go with it.” Harry whispers, and then before Louis can say anything else, Harry kisses him.

He presses softly at first against Louis’ lips, but in seconds he goes harder, wanting to show not only through words that he wants this to be serious.

The kiss is cut short when they hear a little poof beside them, and Harry moves a few centimeters away from Louis and whispers, “Did Nigel just fart?”  
  
“I told you, he’s ugly _and_ disgusting.” 

Harry giggles against Louis’ lips, “Doesn’t make me want you any less.” 

000

 Two months later, Harry finds himself seated at the head of the table. His mother, sister, Louis, and Nigel of course, since he can’t stay home alone more then three hours, are singing happy birthday to him.

Harry can’t believe how fast time has gone past, and as he munches on the funfetti cake his mom makes for his birthday every year, he thinks about how lucky he is. His sister likes Louis, and to say his mother likes Louis is an understatement. Harry’s so grateful his family approves of Louis, since he’s nervous Louis’ family won’t approve of him. He looks over at Louis, who’s making jokes and making Anne and Gemma laugh, and he wonders when Louis will even bring up the topic of meeting his family. Harry’s stomach twists, and he shakes the thought away, asking for another piece of cake.

 “Safe driving, ok?” Anne says in her worried-mother-tone.

 “Obviously.” Harry smiles, giving her another kiss on the cheek. He picks up Nigel’s cage, which has Nigel in it, and Louis coos from Nigel’s hissing. He looks up to see Louis hugging Anne, then to Gemma, who whispers something in his ear and makes him laugh, eyes bright as he looks over at Harry afterwards. 

“Text you when we get back to campus!” Harry calls out the car window as he backs up out of the driveway. 

“Your sister asked me when the wedding was.” Louis says with a yawn, and it makes Harry yawn too. Then he laughs.

“And when do you want the wedding to be?”  
  
“You’ll have to get me a ring first, just in case you forgot.” 

Harry’s smile is lopsided, and he places his hand on Louis’ thigh. Louis looks down at it, and crawls his small hand underneath Harry’s large one to lace their fingers together. Harry’s smile fades, but he looks over at Louis with more love then Louis had ever seen him look at him. 

“I’ll spare you the nerves for the future, it’s a _yes_ from me.” 

The car swerves slightly as Harry goes to give him a kiss, and he quickly pulls back to avoid hitting a snow bank. 

“You are insane.” Louis says and huffs out a laugh, “My heart stopped beating for a second there.” 

“Because I kissed you or because I almost killed us?” 

Louis’ lips purse to the side, and Harry squeezes his hand. Louis looks over to him, and Harry can tell he’s trying not to smile, but his eyes are shining and the little crinkles forming beside them totally give him away.

“Cause you kissed me.” Louis sing-songs, and Harry bites his lip. 

“I love you.” Harry says, and it’s the first time he’s properly said it, and Louis squeezes his hand this time, which Harry knows he means it back.

“I guess you should probably meet my mom then, yeah?” Louis whispers, and Harry raises his eyebrows. 

“Are you sure?” Harry asks, because even though the love bomb has been dropped, and the promise to get married to each other happened only seconds ago, Harry knows Louis still has a little bit of problem with relationships. 

Louis stutters slightly and says, “Yeah, definitely.” He looks distant for a moment, then smiles, bringing Harry’s hand to his lips and pressing a lingering kiss against the top of his hand. 

000

 When Louis says ‘I love you’ to Harry for the first time, it was a bit of an accident. Not in the sense that he never wanted to tell Harry, but it wasn’t the right time, is why it was an accident.

“Harry please come and kill this spider.” Louis says, holding a shaking Nigel in his arms. He’s wearing a pair of Harry’s joggers and a sweatshirt that is massive and Harry practically swims in it, so Louis is drowning in it, for a lack of better words. Nigel bites Louis’ chin, and Louis suppresses a little giggle.

“Where is it?” Harry asks, grabbing the tissue box from the counter. He was in the process of making dinner for them, and Johannah, who was coming over soon, and to say Harry was nervous was not even close to how he was really feeling.

 “In the bathroom. I was trying to get Nigel into the tub since the girls will want to play with him and he smells awful, and he freaked out. He likes his baths so it was weird, and then I just see a huge spider on the side of the tub and I grabbed Nigel and came to you.” He says in one huge shaky breath. 

Harry walks into the washroom, and then almost bursts out laughing. ‘Huge spider’ turns out to be one of the smallest ones that have come into the flat. 

“It’s so small,” Harry says with a small laugh, squishing it to kill it, then lifting the tissue up to a screaming, bug-eyes Louis, “Like you!” 

“Harry, I swear to God, if you come any closer to me with that thing I will suffocate you with a pillow.” 

Harry, obviously, does the opposite of what Louis asks, and begins walking toward him. Nigel hisses and jumps out of Louis’ arms, running down the hallway. Louis follows the cat, and Harry follows Louis. 

“I’m actually going to murder you!” Louis yells, and Harry just laughs, since the spider is definitely dead and wrapped in a few tissues. 

Louis hops over the coffee table and onto the couch, moving around to grab a pillow. In the meantime, Harry threw the tissues in a teacup that needed to be cleaned, and grabbed Louis from behind. He wrestled Louis back onto the couch, both of them a giggling mess and Louis also protesting that he needs to clean his hands with bleach before touching him. 

“You’re a menace!” Louis yells out in between laughter. 

“Yes, but you love me!” Harry says, holding Louis’ hands above his head. They’re both breathless, and Louis’ smile fades as he stares up at Harry, whose dimples are so deep in his cheeks from smiling so hard they look like craters on the moon.

“I do.” Louis says simply, “I do love you.” and Harry kisses him seconds later.

 Things with Johannah and the rest of the girls go very well. Nigel refuses to come out from under the couch all night, and the twins pout about it for a while before they find a photo album Harry had been in the process of making of him and Louis.

 It’s all sickeningly cute stories about Louis and Harry that Harry tells to Johannah, and embarrassing stories about Louis’ childhood that have Louis blushing and playing footsies under the table with Harry.

 “Are you happy now?” Louis asks after they close the door once their guests leave, and Harry smiles.

 “I’ve been happy since the moment I saw you bouncing towards me.” 

“I do not bounce.”

 “You do when you’re on my-”

 “Oh my _god_ , shut up. I love you. Go clean the kitchen while I find Nigel.” Louis says, and then he starts to hop away, making Harry laugh behind him.

 “I love you too.” Harry calls after him.

 000

 “Louis- fuck, stop messing with the tie it looks fine, you’re going to end up being late for your own goddamn wedding.”

 Louis groans as he was about to readjust his blue tie to the orange one, since orange is Harry’s favorite color.

 “Niall, you don’t understand, this needs to be perfect-” Louis tries, but Zayn cuts him off.

 “Harry will still love you, even if your tie doesn’t match his socks like you planned.” Zayn says with a little smirk. He’s standing by the open window with a cigarette dangling from his lips, and Louis finds it very attractive, it weren’t for what’s waiting downstairs maybe he would possibly pounce on him. But- that’s just the nerves talking, he isn’t who he was a few years ago. Plus, Perrie would probably kill him. 

“Will you tell Liam thanks again from me for letting us have the wedding at his lake house? This place is just- stunning.” Louis says to Niall, who’s on his knees in front of Louis and shining his shoes.

“Sure thing.” Niall winks up at him. Louis sighs, and then the door opens, and his heart sinks when he sees its Harry.

 “Dude, this is such bad luck.” Zayn says, suddenly serious, the playful smile that has been on his lips all day is gone. 

“I don’t care, I just-” Harry looks over at Louis, who looks like a dear caught in headlights, “Just wanted to come and tell you that I love you, and maybe a kiss?”

 Louis walks swiftly towards him, and hugs him tightly before pressing a soft kiss to his lips. He puts his forehead against Harry’s neck, whose bent over and pressing against him just as tightly.

 “I love you too.” Louis whispers, “And I’m nervous too. It’s okay though, we have each other.”

 Harry sniffs, and Louis moves slightly to see Harry crying. His heart sinks even further, his voice cracking as he says,

 “What- why are you crying?”

“He’s just emotional.” Niall tries, and Harry laughs slightly. 

“That, and…Lauren broke up with her boyfriend a few weeks back, and she won’t stop telling me about it. I haven’t had one quiet moment to myself all day.”

They all laugh, and Harry says goodbye and kisses Louis once more.

000

 “Oh my god, move over, that is not how you wrap a diaper.” Louis says and pushes Harry away from the table.

 Harry watches over his shoulder, watching Louis swaddle the little plastic doll up.

 “Done!” Louis says, and moves so he is behind Harry instead. 

The teacher comes over, smiling at them, “Good job, you both have gotten good at diapers.”

 Louis high fives Harry, and then kisses his cheek. 

It had been not even a month after their marriage and honeymoon was done, that Louis expressed his need for a kid, and Harry agreed instantly. They asked Perrie if she would be the surrogate, and she agreed instantly. They said they would have two, one with Harry and one with Louis, and since, they had been going to parenting classes. They were currently living in a cheap townhouse close to the tube where they separated every day to go to their jobs, and they definitely wanted to upgrade a little before they have kids. 

“You know, maybe I should actually be trying to do the diapers.” 

“As long as I’m here there won’t be a need for you to know how to change diapers.” 

“That is unfair.”  
  
“It is not. You do all the cooking and cleaning and I do the baby stuff.”

 “You have to do the yard work too then, since, I guess, you’re the dad and I’m the mom.”

 “Yes, but,” Louis goes on his tiptoes to whisper in Harry’s ear, “You’ll always be _my_ daddy.” 

Harry chokes on his own saliva and places a hand on Louis’ hip. Because, well, that’s new for sure; and he can’t wait for the class to end. 

000

 “Just fold it- and- yes! Exactly.” Louis says, and then high-fives Harry, who is holding a dirty diaper in the other hand.

 “Thank God, now this little monster can go back to sleep.” Harry says tiredly, lifting their 7-month-old daughter, Maria, who is very fond of Nigel, who is getting very old, into his arms. She’s tired, Louis is tired, and Harry is tired, and they all suddenly yawn almost simultaneously. Louis laughs tiredly and then they put Maria back into her crib, turning out the light and going to their own bed, which is just across the hall. 

“I can’t believe this is our lives now. It still feels unreal, you know?” Harry whispers as he pulls Louis against him and spoons him.

“I feel the same way. But I love it, wouldn’t want anything else, or anyone else.”

 Harry lets him know he agrees by kissing the back of his neck, holding him a little tighter, and drifting to sleep with the warmth of Louis around him. But before he does, he whispers,

 “How about another baby?”

 Which, Louis giggles and says, “You are insane.”

Harry kisses him, “But you love me.”  
  
“I do.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> comment&kudos very much appreciated. love you <3


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